I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE - Erin Washington
Erin the PAC counselor here! Wait, I mean...E to the R to the I to the N, what's my name? I said it's ERIN! Heyyy! Hooo! Heyyy! Hoooo! I hope you all are having fantastic summers! I have definitely been in a glass case of emotions all season, but God is good and my faith is growing stronger! When the counselors were asked to submit some blog posts, I was a little intimidated. I haven't accomplished much this summer, and I wasn't sure if I would have anything positive to say. After praying about it, I decided to share a page of my prayer journal. I wrote it in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep after receiving yet another rejection letter from a job. Check it out!
Often times, I find myself worrying about my future. I try to remember that the future isn't up to me, and I need to remind myself to have faith and trust in God. But of course, I'm not perfect, and keeping that faith can become a struggle. I scroll through social media and see friends my age getting their dream jobs, moving away from home, or even sharing engagement announcements, and I can't help but think to myself:
Why am I not doing that? Why am I so stuck? Is it because I'm not working hard enough? Am I that stereotype millennial who is staying at home spending money on avocados when I could be investigating mortgage rates? Not to mention...should I be searching for a soulmate right now? These are the questions that keep me up at night, and keep me distracted during the day. I have applied to over 100 jobs, but none of them wanted me. What's wrong with me? What else can I do except keep filling out applications and going to interviews?
IT'S LIKE I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE.
And in that last shout of desperation/exhaustion/rejection, I find peace. Because it's true. I don't have any control over my life. All I can do is work hard and do my best to fulfill the plan of the One who does. God.
This is my prayer every night. In a world where I can't yet find my place, I can only hope that I'm still fulfilling God's plan for me. I find comfort in knowing that our God is a loving God and His path is already made, just waiting for me. When I don't feel like filling out more applications, I still do, knowing it could be the right one. When I need to buy a ticket to Chicago for a group interview, I travel hoping this time it will be the right one. When I'm editing my cover letter, I search the thesaurus to make my adjectives sound smarter and more qualified, because I know this position could be felicitous.
When I thought of the path God laid out specifically for me and how I have been questioning it and comparing it to the others I saw on social media, I was ashamed. I know now that I can find peace in the journey, and I can find joy in the way it has made my faith grow stronger. I am excited to see what God has in store for my future.
**Update** Not even a week after journaling this, I went to an interview for (what I thought) was a simple front desk position at a dog training and boarding center. It turns out, the center has a sister nonprofit organization that focuses on utilizing shelter dogs as therapeutic/service animals in the community. This part made me super excited because I LOVE nonprofits! If I could volunteer for the rest of my life and still pay the rent, I would! I am working towards my Masters in Nonprofit Management, and I cannot wait to learn all about the subject! Not even 2 hours after my interview, I was offered a full time position working at the kennel and eventually helping the nonprofit grow! I'm glad God gave me the opportunity to let my faith grow this summer, and I will keep praising Him as I do my best to follow His plan! Nonprofits and dogs?!? GOD IS GOOD.